LANDLORD REGISTRATION
To clean up all the dirty slums
And clear out all the scruffy bums
Scotland in it`s infinite wisdom
Has introduced a landlord system
Scotland`s a land of milk and honey
Where Salmon swim in a pool of money
They`re making laws and they`re making them stick
All these ASBO`s are making me sick
Decent Homes is what they seek
But who`s the rogue and who`s the meek?
Is it that the landlords smell
Or is that stink the tenants from Hell?
A law they brought to the Scottish House
But Some say it`s superfluous
There`s plenty laws in our fine nation
Without this landlord registration
For lairds to make their registration
They need to make their declaration
On a web-site for the cause
And fill out every single clause
You need to have great power of recall
To complete the security questions and all
The information asked is quite absurd
Then eight letters and a number for your personal password
They say that “Landlord Registration”
Is a web-site that works, but you`ve got to be patient
Questions,codewords,numbers too
How will I remember what to do?
You need to enter your own password
And a tome of answers that`s quite absurd
You need to enter the owner`s name
And whether he bought it as his hame
Then put in the appartment`s address
Is it first floor right or east or west?
A or B or 1 or 2
Nobody knows what to do
Then put in your granny`s name
And when she left her heilin` hame
Was it 1942 ?
And was her favourite colour blue ?
Enter your father`s date of birth
Then your mother`s granny`s girth
The codes they seek are quite quite exhaustive
Family secrets and friends forgot of
Once you`re done it`s just the start
Now you`re on on to the second part
More of the same What`s the score?
Who was it said “less is more”?
By the time you`re on to their internet site
You might be feeling somewhat contrite
Do not worry do not frown
your internet connection has just gone down
Before you shoot yourself in the head
Remember what the message said
Do not write by skype nor cable
The web-site is temporarily, unavailable
So if you`ve paid the landlords fee
And been through all that third degree
And wonder who is the beneficiary
Perhaps you should ask the Scottish judiciary?
16 Million Scottish pounds
To get the scheme up off the ground
16 million`s really mental
I widnae mind that ……. fur a nice wee rental?